i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
