Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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