i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
