just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
