know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize