Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
