i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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