i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
