i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
