I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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