I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
