Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
