He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
