and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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