im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
