How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
