He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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