Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
