So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
