my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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