you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
