Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
