Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
