btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
