the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
