New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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