I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
