Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
