I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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