I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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