Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
