On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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