Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
