ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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