we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
