I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
