i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
