I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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