Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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