she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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