Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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