On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
