Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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