Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Floor bacon is actually really good
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
