Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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