Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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