It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
