His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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