i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
