dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
