Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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