Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
