After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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