I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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