I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
