he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
