Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
