I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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