I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
