can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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