Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
