i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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