"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
