I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
