someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
