6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize