is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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