you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
