I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
