so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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