so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
