I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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