your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
