i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
